Everyone wants a sense of belonging and to be loved. It’s human nature and completely okay, but what happens when this need isn’t met? If you’ve been feeling like you don’t belong then you’re not alone. Don’t get me wrong it is good to be able to be by yourself, but I’m talking about the alone where you’re in a crowded room of people and lacking connection. What can you do to solve this? Do you take yourself out of the situation or figure out how to eliminate it by sticking it out?
Recently I’ve been battling with feeling out of place in the environments I’m in. It has been a huge struggle and I feel like nobody understands. I’m trying to learn how to change my situation starting with me, but the more I try I feel like the worse it gets. At the same time when I try to remove myself, it is still bad because my human need to love and be loved isn’t being fulfilled. So what have I been doing to keep the faith?
Lately, I’ve been getting myself out there by going to pilates, barre, and doing fun activities like sip and paint (basically a Painting With A Twist or Pinot’s Palette). I danced the night away at my job’s picnic by myself in front of everyone with no shame. Doing things like that helps me feel secure even if it’s only for a little while. I find that getting to know myself is helping build my confidence slowly to where I’m starting to feel secure with or without people. But since I’m human I still have that urge to belonging.
The truth is, belonging is what makes us human and keeps us mentally healthy. It’s an important part of the bigger picture. Everyone I talk to, like my therapist or even my manager, tells me I need to make friends and be social because that’s how we build connections. I kind of brush them off because with my social awkwardness and always saying the wrong thing to where there are misunderstandings, it’s hard. I’m trying to learn how to not say everything that comes to my head and not pour my heart out to people I just met. I’m learning how to just take everything slowly. This blog post kind of defeats the purpose, but the reason why I’m writing this is that I feel that it’ll make someone else feel more human to know someone else has the same challenge.
One thing I’ve realized about finding my place in this world is that I’m going to fail. Maybe once or maybe a hundred times. The key is to not be so hard on me and remember that the only perfect person is Jesus Christ himself. I have to remember that I was fearfully and wonderfully made and am here for a reason. You should remember this about yourself too. I know it’s hard to not let the perfectionism take over, but it will benefit you in the long run.
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Perfection hinders our ability to truly connect because we are so wrapped up in being something we’re not, whether you realize it or not. Nothing is ever going to be perfect so while you’re trying to figure out the perfect thing to say or even the perfect thing to wear that may not be who you really are then you’re not being true to yourself. Why would someone want to connect with you if you can’t connect with your real self? We teach others how to treat and love us by the way we do it for ourselves. How you love and think of yourself will usually correlate to how others perceive us. This isn’t true all of the time, but it is for the majority of it.
So when you’re feeling like you don’t belong, check-in with yourself. What are you telling yourself? Where is this feeling coming from? And how can it be improved? Sometimes we have to take a look within and then work on the external factors. I could go on all day about feeling like you don’t belong, but I’m going to go ahead and end it here.
With that being said, I believe that someday you’ll figure out your place in this world and I will too. These things come with time and can’t be rushed. Whatever misunderstandings you’ve had, every negative thing you’ve ever thought about yourself or a situation is over now. This is the day we start fresh and try to look at things with an open mind. Remember positivity isn’t about being happy about a situation that’s negative. It’s more so about having an open mind to all of the possibilities that could come out of the event. It’s not easy to keep this mind frame, but it’s worth it in the end.