Poetry | Fear.

Fear.
It’s an old friend
Fear.
Calls me again
Fear.
I try to block you out
Fear.
Has control over me
Fear.
I try to let you out
Fear.
My knees on the ground
Fear.
Hands clasp as I speak to the utmost high
Fear.
Get away from me and hide
Fear.
I’ve let you go
Fear.
I now have peace in my soul

@foodforthoughtbypaigeredwine

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Reflection | Perfectionism Issues | How Not to Let the Pressure to Be Perfect Get You Down

Perfectionism. This is a real struggle for me and I’m sure it is for someone else whether you’re a woman like me or even a man. It started out so innocently as a child wanting to please my parents, especially my mom. She has always been my toughest critic right underneath myself, but there are some days where I feel she has me beat. Really, now that I’m starting to find inner peace it is more like most days she has me beat and that’s okay. Trust me she means well, but the delivery isn’t always the best, but I digress. The pressure to be perfect lead to low self-esteem, anger issues, anxiety, and unnecessary stress because when it comes down to it unless it is a life or death situation most likely nothing that bad will happen if you don’t get everything right. Heck, even your doctor makes mistakes! The only person I know that has never and will never make a mistake in his life is Jesus Christ himself, but even he shows grace to you and me by understanding we will never be on that level and why die trying to be on an unobtainable level that he already died for and had God raise him from the dead so that we don’t have to be perfect. Don’t get me wrong it is perfectly okay to take pride in your work and want to make as little mistakes as possible, but honestly, as long as you do your best that should always be enough for you even if mama or the haters to the left don’t think so. How I found inner peace personally was:

1. Getting closer to God who is my refuge because “He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).”

2. Getting Confident by focusing on what I do well instead of dwelling in the negative of things I do terribly that of course, I’m still working on.

3. Surrounding myself with positivity whether that be things or people and distancing myself from those things and people, even if they happen to be family members, that constantly bring negativity in my life. Heck, I just got fired for throwing my shoe at a window at work (anger issues) after already putting in my two weeks a week and a half ago so I know about a negative environment lol.

4. Finally accepting that there was no way I could be perfect and that my flaws are what make me unique and most of all make me, me and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

5. Becoming freaking fearless and living my best life whatever that means to me! Because you know what? God hasn’t given any of us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) so for me, that meant getting a tattoo and signing a lease to an apartment in a poppin’ city and standing up to some family members who I’m not really sure love me still, but who cares because I love me and God loves me so I’m doing pretty great!

I know a lot of this is easier said than done, but trust me y’all just try by taking baby steps and I promise it will get easier and you will start to see the progress. It feels freaking amazing when you can start to feel the change on the inside even if it doesn’t seem that everything on the outside is changing. Just keep praying and keep being what you were created to be the best YOU that YOU can be! My pastor encouraged me to start reading Philippians so I want to pass that challenge along to you. That way no matter the situation, just like Paul, you will learn how to be content amidst the storm. Hope this helped!

Reflection | Weekly Inspiration (Week of 9-23-18)

Hey there! Didn’t think I’ld let the day go by without posting did you? Below you’ll find some audiobooks and songs that have just been speaking to me and of course are all Christian based (Praise Jesus!). I feel a special connection to what is being said in each one and I hope you do to or maybe you won’t and that’s okay. I just felt that since these songs and books have been helping me I would go ahead and share. So please give them a listen to if you can and give me your feedback! I would love to hear it 🙂

1. Praise Him In Advance – Marvin Sapp

Image result for here i am marvin sapp thumbnail

2. Girl Wash Your Face – Rachel Hollis (Audiobook)

(Review coming soon!)

3. More Than A Conqueror – Marvin Sapp

Image result for here i am marvin sapp thumbnail

4. Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Boundaries, Large Print Edition - By: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend

5. Resurrection Power – Chris Tomlin

Holy Roar

*Photo Credit: Google Images

Reflection | My Vow to Myself

This past year has been one of the rockiest, most eventful, and best year for me. I got my first tattoo that says grace upon grace; John 1:16 and have gotten to travel with my best girlfriends, however, I’ve also been battling with my mental health and now trying to find a new job after having to walk away from an unhealthy work environment. But, this is not completely about those things. This post is to hold myself accountable and to reflect. So here I go:

Today I vow to not stay anywhere or with anyone who I’m not happy or content with or around. I vow to love myself so much that I will walk away no matter what it may look like; to walk by faith, not by sight. I vow to no longer let people or jobs get me out of my character. I have the power over my actions, not you, you, or you.

I vow to lean on the LORD & trust him today, tomorrow, & always. I will say yes when I mean yes & no when I mean no, no matter who it is or what it’s about. I vow to love fearlessly and be fearless because I know I am strong, I am courageous, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made who can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. He has shown me grace upon grace (John 1:16) and my story isn’t over yet, this is only the beginning.

Me 9-26-18